John looks back down to his paper. Decides on something else and slides the Notre-Dame to the side. He doesn't have a model or any sort of reference, so he sketches to sketch as Warren talks. Lines that become form. The beginnings of a hand, just something to occupy his time.
When he looks up again, there's nothing but that faint amusement again. He's blank because he both is and isn't self aware enough to see the connections. He might be able to draw the same conclusions, but he has no willingness to change it. There's no drive to make it better.
So he goes back to sketching. "A secular viewing of sloth, but a creative one," he tells him softly. "And now? You're not nothing. Are you something?"
"Not secular," he says with a shake of his head, "because after all: who made me a person? Who gave me a life? And there I was, giving it up, making it less, taking my hand to His creation."
He doesn't talk about his own feelings on religion, spirituality, the universe and how it works.
To the question, though, he nods.
"I am. I'm something I never thought I'd ever be again."
"No, no. I mean the secular definition of Sloth itself," he says, but he doesn't protest it farther than that. He just stills his pencil for a moment, surprised at even the mention of a higher power. Most people avoid the subject, even if Warren's not speaking to his own thoughts.
That kind of belief was how he believed in Marcus Cutter.
And he's not talking about that now. Not yet.
"Because being a warden is the only reason I chose to be here at all. I accepted an offer to be an inmate. To live. Because it meant I could get back the only thing worth living for. If I hadn't?
And that's when John feels something for him that he hasn't felt for anyone else aboard - genuine pity. While John would do what he could to save his brothers, it would be under duress. It wouldn't be something he would want. Furthermore, he doesn't believe it would be something that Joseph or Jacob would want from him.
To be put in that position would be actual hell for John. At least in this way, he can dig his feet in and not progress because he doesn't have to.
"Ah," he says softly. "And then what? When you have her back?"
He doesn't even ask about the other - it's not exactly a secret. John's been in his cabin, he's seen the sweatshirts that are definitely not in Warren's wardrobe draped across the back of chairs. He's seen the posts. He doesn't have to guess. There are people he pays attention to and the two other lawyers are in his periphery.
"A unit has to have a leader," he tells him instead. "So who is it? You?"
"Colonel Warren Kepler," he adds, as he hasn't used his title much before. "Paramilitary. Head of Strategic Intelligence. And the leader of our group."
He's reasonably certain that even after Jacobi graduates, even with the two of them in a relationship, he's still more than likely going to be somewhat in charge.
John nods. "My brother Jacob's the only one of us with any rank, but it's Joseph who leads us. He'll always lead us. He found us, brought the three of us back together after we were scattered." He makes idle marks on the side of his new page, just small doodles as he speaks.
"I found them," he says with a dip of his head, "recruited them. Made us... us."
But he doesn't lean any further into it. Doesn't ask about his brothers. Doesn't try to push on how they're similar. He just answers, and leans back with his eyes closed.
John nods. "Then it's only right you should put in the work to bring everyone together again, isn't it?" he wonders, making it sound like a question, even though it isn't. Even though it sounds - almost accusatory.
"Not everyone gets that," he says with a dip of his head. But it doesn't seem like he's going to say anything else. Or like he needs them to keep talking. Not closed off, just... fine with silence.
He's also happy with the silence and fills it with another batch of doodles until he gets bored, gets hungry, and starts to clean up. He's currently fasting through breakfast and lunch (though he considered the cookie a gift rather than food), but he can focus on other things.
His relief is absolutely evident and he sighs. "I'll go back. It's not good if I'm out and about since it seems like wardens don't want to really see my face."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 01:46 am (UTC)When he looks up again, there's nothing but that faint amusement again. He's blank because he both is and isn't self aware enough to see the connections. He might be able to draw the same conclusions, but he has no willingness to change it. There's no drive to make it better.
So he goes back to sketching. "A secular viewing of sloth, but a creative one," he tells him softly. "And now? You're not nothing. Are you something?"
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 01:54 am (UTC)He doesn't talk about his own feelings on religion, spirituality, the universe and how it works.
To the question, though, he nods.
"I am. I'm something I never thought I'd ever be again."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 02:05 am (UTC)"An interesting redemption."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 02:30 am (UTC)"An interesting take," he says back, "not that it doesn't make sense. I don't come off like a man who believes in God."
But he shakes that off.
"Took about two and a half years."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 03:18 am (UTC)There's believing in God and there's - what John does. What John is. Their religion is distinct. Different.
"Why a warden? Why stay?"
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 03:25 am (UTC)And he's not talking about that now. Not yet.
"Because being a warden is the only reason I chose to be here at all. I accepted an offer to be an inmate. To live. Because it meant I could get back the only thing worth living for. If I hadn't?
I would have been content. to stay dead."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 03:32 am (UTC)No one else. No thing else. There is nothing in John's life worth this turmoil save Joseph and Jacob.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 03:34 am (UTC)"Exactly. Maxwell. The one this is for?
"She's all the family I have. All I'd ever need."
And he's getting her back. For him? For them. For her.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 11:10 am (UTC)To be put in that position would be actual hell for John. At least in this way, he can dig his feet in and not progress because he doesn't have to.
"Ah," he says softly. "And then what? When you have her back?"
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 07:52 pm (UTC)He tilts his head with a faint smile at John.
"I have ideas. But. Nothing solid until she's back. The three of us? We're a unit. When we're complete? We decide."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 10:59 pm (UTC)He doesn't even ask about the other - it's not exactly a secret. John's been in his cabin, he's seen the sweatshirts that are definitely not in Warren's wardrobe draped across the back of chairs. He's seen the posts. He doesn't have to guess. There are people he pays attention to and the two other lawyers are in his periphery.
"A unit has to have a leader," he tells him instead. "So who is it? You?"
no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 02:20 am (UTC)"Colonel Warren Kepler," he adds, as he hasn't used his title much before. "Paramilitary. Head of Strategic Intelligence. And the leader of our group."
He's reasonably certain that even after Jacobi graduates, even with the two of them in a relationship, he's still more than likely going to be somewhat in charge.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 03:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 03:37 am (UTC)But he doesn't lean any further into it. Doesn't ask about his brothers. Doesn't try to push on how they're similar. He just answers, and leans back with his eyes closed.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 03:54 am (UTC)"Iris offered me the deal. For my graduation." And he shakes his head then. "But you're right. It's my responsibility. No one else's."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 11:43 am (UTC)"No," he says. "No you needed to work for it on your own."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-28 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-29 02:19 am (UTC)"I'm going to lock up since it's getting later but... far as I'm concerned, your time is your own now. I've... got somewhere to be."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-29 11:18 am (UTC)He gives him a nod. "Thank you."
no subject
Date: 2021-10-29 10:58 pm (UTC)But that's all he's going to say about it.
"Have a good evening, Mister Seed."