IC Inbox

[power_of_yes]

Call | Text | Video | Action

Comments

[power_of_yes]

John thinks of the Lust, the Wrath, the Pride, all of it together. All of it wrong. All the ways he's been justifying it to himself.

His fingers squeeze the bars a bit tighter. "The answer's obvious." He doesn't want to say it.

[ukan]

"Then say it." He told John before: there is no backing down from this.

[power_of_yes]

John shakes his head. Refusing because it's hard to face. Because he cannot admit that to himself. That's weak. Beyond weak.

"I can fix it," he promises. "I will fix it."

[ukan]

Lark is unrelenting. He sets his hand on John's shoulder and shakes his head. "You can't fix it if you can't even face it. Say it out loud, even if it's just to me."

[power_of_yes]

The hand is heavy on his shoulder. "I fell to temptation," he finally says. "I wanted to sin and I found a way to do it. Like - God wouldn't know."

He rests his head against the bars.

[ukan]

Lark is quiet for a moment. "She is still here. So if you can't figure out why you fell to that temptation, it's going to happen again. It might as well be happening right now, if you don't know what caused you to give in."

[power_of_yes]

"I know why," he says firmly. "I just need to - reset." Fortunately, Zero's the place for restrictions.

[ukan]

"That's not good enough. You lied to yourself so thoroughly you ended up in here with nothing to show for it but your shame." A soft sigh. "Tell me how you're going to overcome."

[power_of_yes]

John scrambles for a moment, panic forming in his chest as he tries to think quickly. He knows what he can do in here and he plans on it. Discipline and control. Restrictions. But once he's out, and he's back on his own two feet?

He breathes for a moment, just hesitating.

"I don't know."

[ukan]

"You need a plan." It's something Lark says often, to a lot of people, but it feels crucial right now. "When do you find yourself struggling?"

[power_of_yes]

He does need a plan, but he isn't in a place to make it. He looks down the hallway to where Carol is; she's always the one making the plans for him. Other people make the plans for him. His plans are good. His plans make him happy.

But he hasn't been successful in filling his days with plans.

That's just Sloth all over again.

"Every day."

[ukan]

"It may not feel like it right now but that's a good sign. It means you aren't broken." Not by the Barge, not by the heaviness that his brothers managed to lift.

"Tell me how you picture your first day out of here. Walk me through it from the moment you wake up to the moment you sleep."

[power_of_yes]

"Here?" he wonders, sucking in a breath. "Zero? Or the Barge?"

Because he can't picture what being away from the Barge would be like. He would want it to be like at home, like it was, but that's impossible.

[ukan]

"Here, the Barge," he agrees. "I want you to picture the day next week when this door opens and you get to leave. Take me through that day."

[power_of_yes]

"I - go to work in the morning. Custodial, if they allow me back." He sags against the bars. "When that shift is over, I go to the chapel. Write sermons that no one will hear. Lunch, if I'm not fasting. Reading the Bible if I am. Art in the afternoon. Dinner. Gym or a walk in the evening."

[ukan]

"And when you see Carol?" Because what he's describing is all on paper, a day with no complications. "Because she will want to see you."

[power_of_yes]

"I don't know," he admits. "She won't want to repeat that again. And I won't let her."

[ukan]

"What makes you think she won't want to hurt someone again?" Because she will. Lark isn't even going to entertain the notion that she won't.

[power_of_yes]

"Not in that particular way," he amends, because he knows she wants to hurt people again. He saw the way she looked.

He knows what Lark's getting at, though.

"I need to think," he tells him. "I don't have an answer for you."

[ukan]

"I'm going to keep asking until you have one. I'll be back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, until you can give me one." It's a gentle warning. "But for now I need you to rest and then to think about it. Your ability to navigate when you get out of Zero is the most important thing you can do right now, you understand?"

[power_of_yes]

He nods once and doesn't have to lie when he agrees. He needs to have an answer. Fortunately, he has an entire week to think.

"I understand," he says, hesitantly pulling away from the bars, as if asking permission. He doesn't know about resting, but he'll do what he was doing before. Sitting still and reflecting counts as rest.

[ukan]

Lark draws away. "Good night, John."

He walks away and only when he's back out of Zero--nodding at Tim, through the door, into the hallway--does his composure slip with a sigh and a frown.

[power_of_yes]

He'll slip the key to his room in Lark's hand before he goes, muttering for him to take care of Iris, and then he's back on the floor, on his knees. Silent and prayerful.

Desperately needing this reset now that both Warren and Lark have come for him.