[It's hard to know what to do here. He doesn't like Jon and the thought of killing him is exciting in its own way, because causing him pain would make John very happy.
But he also understands that Lark does not feel the same.
John takes a moment to center himself.]
He's your friend. It's - difficult to do what you need to do when friends are involved.
I've killed friends before. I killed Steve Rogers here to stop a mutiny that was a hell of a lot like this. It just needed to be done.
[It needed to be done and he knew how and he was willing. That's all there is to it. He doesn't know why his mind keeps stuttering and stalling when he tries to accept it.]
[There is a lot more to it. But he'd have to go into Alec's history, and the mutiny, and history with Jon, and his own sense of responsibility, and the fact he chose to be here and therefore consented to all of this.]
I'm just tired. I'll get some sleep tonight and be back at it tomorrow.
Did you end up in any other domains? Or did you get to run yours the whole time?
[He doesn't have to pause to think about that one. He's finally seeing movement on a goal he's been digging at for over a year. He has people here he would never stop thinking about. Like John.]
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[He should know this. He did know this.]
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Dorian Gray.
Lark. What is wrong with you?
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[Okay even he can't call that honest.]
I haven't slept since the night before this all happened, that's all. It's just been a long week.
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Private
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I stopped it.
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Private
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But he also understands that Lark does not feel the same.
John takes a moment to center himself.]
He's your friend. It's - difficult to do what you need to do when friends are involved.
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I've killed friends before. I killed Steve Rogers here to stop a mutiny that was a hell of a lot like this. It just needed to be done.
[It needed to be done and he knew how and he was willing. That's all there is to it. He doesn't know why his mind keeps stuttering and stalling when he tries to accept it.]
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Why would you feel anything about it other than grief?
[That's what normal people feel, right?]
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[He's quiet for a moment.]
You're not yourself because of this.
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I'm just tired. I'll get some sleep tonight and be back at it tomorrow.
Did you end up in any other domains? Or did you get to run yours the whole time?
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That isn't how it works. Sleep isn't the magical cure.
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[A faint sigh]
All of this was easier for me when I was forced to be here, John. It's a shitty thing to realize. As an inmate, I would have hated me for saying it.
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Are you going to leave?
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[He doesn't have to pause to think about that one. He's finally seeing movement on a goal he's been digging at for over a year. He has people here he would never stop thinking about. Like John.]
You're not getting rid of me that easily.
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I almost have free reign to do whatever I wish with you not on my ass.
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You have been, what was I thinking.
What's your schedule like tomorrow after dinner?
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That's my reading time, but I'm not expecting anyone.
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