You called it an indulgence. I thought it was, too. But - that isn't quite right.
[He pauses as he considers his next words, keeping his voice low.]
I'm not some homebred hick, conned into a cult, you know. I went to fucking Yale. I've seen the world. I know the world. I've done coke with senators who fucked pretty girls and told them their secrets. I read Kafka in a coffee shop and thought I was a great intellectual. I - learned to fly planes so I could always have a way to escape.
But.
None of it was enough. The work, the projects, the books, the movies, the coke, the booze, the sex, the constant need to be moving because if I sat still...I would have to face the truth.
It wasn't enough.
I was put here, as John the Baptist. That is what I thought my calling was. That was enough.
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timeasmymeasure
cw: drug mention
Date: 2021-12-31 01:28 pm (UTC)You called it an indulgence. I thought it was, too. But - that isn't quite right.
[He pauses as he considers his next words, keeping his voice low.]
I'm not some homebred hick, conned into a cult, you know. I went to fucking Yale. I've seen the world. I know the world. I've done coke with senators who fucked pretty girls and told them their secrets. I read Kafka in a coffee shop and thought I was a great intellectual. I - learned to fly planes so I could always have a way to escape.
But.
None of it was enough. The work, the projects, the books, the movies, the coke, the booze, the sex, the constant need to be moving because if I sat still...I would have to face the truth.
It wasn't enough.
I was put here, as John the Baptist. That is what I thought my calling was. That was enough.